Boys night out
by Foopar
Summary: Cousin, let's go bowling!
1. Chapter 1

"Cousin, let's go bowling!"

Niko pinches the bridge of his nose as he leans his head foward in agitation.

"Roman please, for the last time, _I don't want to go bowling._"

"Ok, then why don't we grab a bite to eat? There's a new Burger Shot down in Schottler and I feel I've been giving my arterys to easy of a time." Roman laughs. Niko just sighs.

"No Roman."

"Ok then, what do you say we go catch a drink!" Roman replies. Niko sits upright at that, giving the best scowl he can, but when he realizes scowls are ineffective over the phone resorts to words once again.

"Roman my cousin, listen very carefully to me. I don't want to go bowling. I don't want to go eat. I don't want to go drinking. I don't want to play darts. I don't want to ride in Brucies chopper. I don't want to see a show. And I _don't_ want to go to a strip club. _Do you understand?_"

"Ok… wanna shoot some pool?"

"GAH!" Niko throws his hands in the air and nearly chucks his phone across the room. For the smart Bellic, Roman could sure be an idiot.

"Cousin please, come out with us! It's not healthy what your doing, just sitting home all day brooding!"

"Good maybe I'll die." Niko says sardonically. But before Roman can respond, another thought comes to Niko's mind. "Wait, did you say _us_? Who's _us_?" Niko could practically see Romans face light up over the phone.

"Why me, Jacob and Brucie of course! Heh heh, I bet now your considering my offer for drinks eh?"

"Not really." Niko deadpans. There's a light scuffling heard on the other end of the phone, and before Niko knows it he is no longer talking to Roman. But this person could be just as irritating. In fact, he's far _more_ irritating.

"Aww c'mon Nicky! Let's roll! I need a wingman for this outing and god knows neither of these bozos are gonna increase my chances of getting laid! I mean, not that I need help getting some action, bitches are all over Brucie all the time. It's just-"

"Oh god please shut up Brucie!" Niko practically screams. Some more scuffling is heard, followed by another voice, this one irritating in it's own unique way.

"Ay meh booy Nyeeko, wha gwan! I and I be eddin out cho, wee gun get fucked up ya ear! You gotta cum wit us Nyeeko ya gotta sight?"

What? What was he talking about? Something about fucking in the ear? Niko shook his head, he didn't want to know.

"You guys go on, ok Jacob? I'll sit this one out."

**"NO WAY!"**

"GAH MY FUCKING EAR DRUM!" Niko screams as Romans voice returns.

"That's all I ever hear from you nowadays! I'll sit this one out, or maybe another time, or I really need to be alone, well no more! Your coming out with us whether you like it or not!"

"Heh, I think Nicky's on his period guys." Brucies voice echoes from the background.

"Listen Niko, I know your still upset over what happened to Kate, but you have to move on! Do you think this is what Kate wanted? You to sit at home by yourself and slowly wither away? If she really cared about you as much as you did she I doubt that's true! If you won't come out for us do it for her, come on cousin, please?" Niko's head rolled back, he _hated_ when Roman was like this.

"Arg… ok fine, I'll come." Niko sighs.

"Great! We'll be waiting for you pick us up in one hour."

"Huh? Wait Roman sto-!"

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

"AWW FUCK!" Niko screams. Great. They beg him to come out then won't even pick him up. Just fucking great. In a rage, Niko throws his phone against the wall of the Bohan apartment, and watches in horror as it breaks into two pieces and falls to the ground.

"MY FUCKING PHONE!"

**Authors notes**

**A little short, but this is just a taste of what's to come. Just so you know, it won't be _just_ Niko, Roman, Jakob, and Brucie. Others will be involved as well. As for who those others are, well, you'll just have to wait to find out, won't you? I've got a few surprises in store for you guys...**


	2. Chapter 2

Truth be told, it didn't rain often in Liberty City. Then again, it wasn't exactly sunny either. It was more like a grime infested cesspool of smoggy air and ungodly pollution of all kind wrapped up in a rat infested, slum cocktail. Yeah, that was the only way to describe Liberty City weather. But of course, on the one day that Niko happened to lack a car, that had to change. Niko could deal with the roaches, a quick stomp and problem solved. He could deal with the air, being around fire and therefore smoke so much had made him all but immune to the LC smog. He could even deal with the _godawful_ smell of _everything, _his sense of smell had been irreversably damaged from being around so many corpses. But the one thing, that he couldn't deal with, was rain. The _second _he stepped outside, he was engulfed in a roaring tsunami of pounding liquid beating against his skin, freezing him down to the bone and seeping through his clothes and ruining them. Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't I wear the 2000$ Perseus suit, that explicitly reads "Dry clean only" on the tag, on this little outting? Yeah that's a great idea!

_Sigh. _Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Just look on the bright side, Niko. Maybe if you get a cold, that can develope into pneumonia, which can in turn swell up your lungs into an infected heap of inflamed tissue, rendering your respiratory system completely inoperational, causing you a slow painful death in the form of suffocation. Maybe then Roman will stop calling.

"If only god were so meriful." Pushing that thought aside, Niko focuses on his next goal; finding a car.

Left: No car

Right: No car

Fuck

The rain continues to beat on him harder then any fist he's ever encountered, and he's chilled down to his core. He _needed _a car. But _where_?

Well, looks like god _does _take pity on the weak, as at that very moment, Niko can just barely make out the headlights of an incoming car. He runs out into the Bohan streets, directly in the vehicles path, and begins waving his hands.

"Hey you, stop!" He screams. Niko waits patiently for the car to stop, never moving from his spot. His eyes buldge out of his head when he realizes, the driver has no intention of stopping.

"Hey, whoa whoa whoa- AARRGGHH!" 3000 pounds of hulking metal slam into Niko's bare body at 40+ MPH, sending him skidding down the street. God can keep his pity next time.

A feral growl escapes Niko's lips as he gets to his feet... only to stumble and fall flat on his face.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" He screams as he once again pushes his body up, carefully maintaining balance on his damaged legs. With speed that would easily earn in first prize in the limp racing division of the Olympics, Niko wobbled back towards the car, who's driver is currently exitting, and points his pistol in her face. Before you can say "omg it's a 80 year old lady" Niko realizes... it's an 80 year old lady.

"Oh sunny I am so sorr- EEK!"

"No, ugh, lady wait I- AAAAAHHHHH!" A pain reminisent of a thousand pin needles all simoultaniously stabbing Niko suddenly erupts directly in his eyes, and he stumbles back, falling down on his ass.

"YOU AIN'T TAKING MY CHECK!" The woman screams as she empties the entire contents of a pepper spray canister directly into Niko's face. Niko, meanwhile, proceeds to curl up into the fetal position on the ground and helplessly bat at the woman. Your witnessing the results of years of intense, hardore military training.

"What am I doing?" Niko hears his own voice echo. His brow furrows, and with a newly achieved sense of dedication, he reaches out, clasping the womans hand and disarming her of her weapon. The lady suddenly begins to back away in terror as Niko rises, his eyes beat red, his breath quick and ragged, and once again raises his gun.

"No get out of here before I do something I'll regret!" He says with enough venom to make a poison arrow frog blush. But the woman isn't going anywhere. Like Batman reaching for a handy dandy canister of bat-shark repellent, the devil spawn retrieves something from her purse. Before Niko can react, 50,000 volts of electricity have somehow found their way into his system, and he once again falls to the ground.

"I'VE GOT A TAZER!" The woman screams.

"NO SHIT!" Niko spits in between tremors. The hag from hell uses this opportunity to kick Niko while he's down... repeatedly. He would try to stop her, but he's to busy convulsing and foaming from the mouth. Finally, after an eternity of high powered falcon kicks, the woman stops.

"I hope you like prison food!" She says as she whips out her cell phone. Niko doesn't respond.

"Hey!" She yells as she gives him another kick. "Do you know who I'm calling! It's the police!"

Niko looks up then, his face adorned with the scowl of a thousand Scrooges, and speaks. "Oh, really? I just figured you asked me if I like prison food because you were ordering takeout!"

"Such rudeness!" The woman replies. Before Niko can point out how utterly absurd that statement is, the words "Hello, you've reached the Liberty City emergency contact line." drawl from the other end of the phone, and Niko darts. Adrenaline floods his system, and he jumps up, shoving the woman aside, and diving into the open car door. He slams on the gas, and skids off into the night, leaving the woman howling at the moon.


End file.
